Can Time Apart Fix a Relationship?

When is taking a break healthy, and when does it make things worse?

Taking time apart (such as a short retreat or individual travel) can help stable relationships reset routine and rebuild mutual appreciation. However, for relationships experiencing chronic high conflict, unresolved betrayal, or attachment insecurity, separation often increases emotional distance.
In high-conflict situations, direct couples therapy is generally more effective than taking a break.

Is Taking a Time-Out Healthy for a Stagnant Relationship?

​When a relationship feels routine or stagnant rather than high-conflict, taking brief, intentional time apart —such as a week-long retreat or travel — can provide room for reflection and renewed gratitude.
​
For high-trust, secure couples, temporary physical distance creates space to break everyday automation, miss one another, and consciously value the relationship (Tatkin, 2016).

​The goal during a planned break is to create something worth returning to, building appreciation where routine had taken over.

When Is Taking a Break NOT Recommended?​

Attachment research demonstrates that physical or emotional distance can activate deep fears of rejection and abandonment in insecurely attached partners (Johnson, 2019; Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016).
Time apart is generally not recommended when a relationship is navigating:

• Unresolved Betrayal or Infidelity: Distance often exacerbates mistrust and anxiety (Spring, 2012).
• Pursuit-Withdrawal Cycles: One partner seeking connection while the other retreats creates further emotional disconnection (Johnson, 2008).
• Grey-Rocking and Avoidance: Silence during a separation reinforces detachment rather than resolution.
• Severe High-Conflict or Safety Concerns: Physical distance does not resolve core relational conflict and can leave critical issues unaddressed (Tatkin, 2016).

Note: If a relationship involves safety risks, domestic distress, or potential abuse, seeking immediate professional guidance is essential. In Australia, confidential support is available 24/7 via 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732).​

Should You Seek Relationship Counselling Instead of a Break?​

​Time apart rarely resolves complex relational patterns requiring direct communication. Couples facing ongoing conflict, communication breakdowns, or betrayal benefit far more from structured therapeutic intervention than from physical distance.  Specialised modalities like Gottman Method Couples Therapy and Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT) help partners address attachment triggers directly, rebuild trust, and restore secure bonding.

About the Author & Practice
Nicolette Ward is a Certified Relationship Counsellor and Kinesiologist with over 10 years of clinical experience utilizing Gottman Method Couples Therapy and PACT principles.
Providing specialised couples counselling, marriage therapy, and relationship support for dyads, twins, business partners, families etc to clients across Underwood, Logan, Springwood, and the greater Brisbane area. LGBTQIA+ Friendly. ​

• Location: 19/2962 Logan Road, Underwood, QLD 4119
• Services: Relationship Counselling, Couples Therapy, Infidelity Recovery, Conflict Management, Communication Coaching and management of any kind of relationship. This includes intimate partner relationships, family relationships, caregiving relationships, friendships, creative collaborations and business partnerships

References

• Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. Little, Brown Spark.
• Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment theory in practice: Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) with individuals, couples, and families. Guilford Press.
• Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
• Spring, J. A. (2012). After the affair: Healing the pain and rebuilding trust when a partner has been unfaithful (2nd ed.). HarperCollins.
• Tatkin, S. (2012). Wired for love: How understanding your partner's brain and attachment style can help you defuse conflict and build a secure relationship. New Harbinger Publications.
• Tatkin, S. (2016). Your brain on love: The neurobiology of healthy relationships. New Harbinger Publications.